After a 2 year drought….

The internet is a surreal place.  No one believes anything. There are pictures of everything.  If you can imagine it someone has already made porn of it.  Don’t even try to search the peripherals of your mind.  All you will do is scare yourself.

Here is a tale from the “Today, I fucked up” section of Reddit.

Straight from Reddit:

So, there’s much, much more to this story. The title is a bit tame, if you can believe that.
I was in a bit of a rut sexually. The last time I had sex was about 2 years ago with my then girlfriend. I have been posting Craigslist(yes, Craigslsit) for the past 4 or so months with nothing. No responses to my ads, no replying back from my emails. Until a week ago.
I get a reply and honestly didn’t think anything of it because it went to my spam folder and the email title was “hey man, can you help me out?”. I almost deleted it but decided to take a glance at it. It was a guy, early 30’s. To paint a better picture for you, I’ll post our email conversation.
Guy: Hey bro, just wondering if maybe you can help me out?
Me: is this a male or female?
Guy: Male, married male. But before I scare you off, it’s no gay shit. I’m looking for someone to fuck my wife.
Me: Umm…ok?
Guy: Yeah, her and I have been talking about this for a while and we’re ready to do it. You game?
Me: Well, it’s something I’ve never done before, but I guess I’d be open to it.
He goes on to describe him and his wife and then send me a picture..and she was REALLY good looking. Not fake picture good looking, like “this is a real girl” good looking. Anyways, my dick is getting the better of me and I send him a picture. He tells me he will show his wife and get back to me.
The next morning, he emails me and tells me it’s all good. She’s interested. He asked if I could meet that weekend and I tell him sure. We communicate via email, and text for the next few days. Well, low and behold, the weekend comes up and he texts me that they won’t be able to do it that weekend. They are going out of town. I figured they were blowing me off so I moved on.
Monday rolls around and he texts me “Hey bro, you still interested?” I almost didn’t respond but again, my dick got the better of me. So I just responded “Sure”.
So, he wants to know if I’ll meet at their place. I agree(even though I’m a little weary about it), so he wants to meet around 7pm and asked me to call him when I’m on my way. They lived about 30 minutes from me.
So, I get on the road and I call him. He answers and says, “Ok bro, here’s the deal. When you get here, I’ll bring you to my wife, you’re going to fuck her with no condom, nut inside her, and leave.” Here I am going, “Umm….”. So he then tells me that she’s clean, she can’t get pregnant, etc. and that he wants to experience “muddy pussy”. He then explains what “muddy pussy” is..another man cumming inside a woman, and the husband fucking her right after. So, I tell him “kind of like sloppy seconds?” He just says, “Well, I prefer muddy pussy, but whatever”
Well, after all this, I still agree. He asks me to call him when I get to their street. I get to his street and I call him. He lives in a very nice subdivision and he’s outside waving. He is about 6’2, 240 lbs, looks like he used to work out a lot but stopped, very big arms but not muscular. He had a thin beard with dark hair. I get out of my truck and I go to shake his hand and he doesn’t shake it, just says “alright bro, here are the rules:
“No kissing, no fingering or touching her pussy, no playing with her ass, no going down on her. Just get in there, fuck her, cum inside her, and leave. Got it?”
I say “Sure” and he takes me into his house. We walk to the back where his bedroom was, he opens the door and his life is laying in the bed, naked. She looks up and smiles. He sits in a chair and I get undressed. I was hard the whole way there, but nerves got the best of me and I had a hard time getting up. I start playing with her tits and, my god, she had a great body and smelled excellent. I started sucking on her tits and her husband said “Alright bro, that is your first and LAST warning. I said no kissing”.
So, I’m halfway hard and I’m still grabbing her tits so I put it in. She moaned and put her hands on my shoulders. I started pumping away and I lasted about 3 or 4 minutes, came inside her like he asked.
As soon as I was done, I got off of her, turned around and her husband was standing there with my clothes in his arms. Put them in my hands and basically pushed me out of the bedroom. He closed the door and I could hear him say “You liked fucking that little boy, didn’t you? and “I can’t believe you let that piece of shit cum inside of you”. Here I am, amazed at what just happened and trying to get my clothes back on. I realized one of my socks was still in the room, but decided to take a loss on that one. They were comfortable socks too.
I left and afterwards felt really dirty. I wasn’t thinking with the right head. Afterwards, I started to panic thinking about STD’s and whatnot. I’m usually really careful but I was just so horny.
The next day, I text him to let him know I had a good time. He texts back:
“Yo bro, just because you fucked my wife doesn’t mean we’re pals. Fuck off”.
The end.

 

I had a Lebowski flash back at the lost sock.  I cracked up at the husband’s reply though.  Poor bloke.  Stay off the internet kids! And don’t tell lies.

For those wanting more: http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/

 

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